W is for Weighty Issue

Recently I posted about being accepting whatever weight you may be but that doesn't mean that I expect that people should be 100% happy all the time. I'm not! I have days I wish I was a size 6 supermodel and there are days when I don't give my size a second thought. 

(And before you start screaming hypocrite at me through the internet - Real Women is about being accepting of others and sometimes that's a lot easier than be accepting of what you have.)

However there is one thing that is pretty much a constant and it's something that I know some of my friends don't like me doing. In one form or another it is a common occurrence to call myself "fat". It might be calling myself "the chunkiest ballet dancer in the world" or walking into something because I have "child bearing hips" but I am like one of those comedians who have a thing or a poet who only talks about the fact that they are a black woman (Maya Angelou I'm looking at you) It's not that I'm trying to test people, it's just what I do. I don't sit there, stuff a Belgian bun in my face, complain I'm fat and then expect those around me to tell me that I'm not. But people also don't know what to say. I am joking but they don't want to laugh in case I think they agree.

I think it started as a coping mechanism when I was finding my weight really hard. It was easier to make a joke about it before anyone else did  but the thing is I'm not sure people even would. Joking about someone's size is generally something that people do behind their back not to their face. And then it turned into a way of letting people know that I knew that I wasn't perfect. I act pretty confident most of the time and I don't want people to mistake that confidence as arrogance. It's my way of trying to control other people's perceptions of me. 

My favourite saying at the moment is "call a spade a spade" and that's what I feel I am doing, I am honest, painfully honest with myself but maybe I should stop because if you put yourself down can you really complain when others around you start doing the same? 

This baby/puppy combo is the sweetest thing ever - I just had to share