Wednesday, 30 April 2014

Z is for Zouk

I do not know enough words beginning with 'Z' so what did I do? I turned to my good friend Google and I picked out a word I liked the sound of. I have no idea how to pronounce it but I like the sound of how I say it in my head, I'm not going to say it out loud as I am alone apart from Felix and talking to cats is pretty much the first sign of being crazy.

Zouk -
         "An exuberant style of popular music combining Caribbean and Western elements and having a fast heavy beat"

Apparently its origins are from the Guadeloupian Creole term "to party" and sounds good to me. I want to go out and I want to drink too much and make some sketchy choices - not too sketchy though I promise, maybe just smiling at random strangers or walking home in your best friends shoes. I think its because I missed out on the party stage of university - I haven't got bored of it yet and I still sometimes think that mixing drinks, doing jagerbombs and doing tequila shots is a good idea when I know that I cannot handle my alcohol. I like dancing and still wear stupidly high heels out when all my university friends have learnt that Converses are your best friend.

I want to go dancing - someone take me out!!!
But I don't want a hangover - please?

Tuesday, 29 April 2014

Y is for Yes

I must apologise for yesterday's crap post. The trouble with posting every day is thinking up new content and I really didn't want to post about my diet yet but I felt pushed into it by myself - stupid I know! But hey lets not dwell on it - today is a new day and all that jazz.

Yes is such a powerful word. I wanted to say that cliche that I either say yes too much or don't say yes enough but then I really thought about it and to be honest I don't really say either yes or no that much and I thought I liked that even less! It makes me worry that I'm just existing - that I'm not even trying to challenge myself at the moment so have nothing to say yes or no to - but I think at the moment I am just getting on with things. I have already made the decision to get a degree - I'm now just working on it. I already have a job I enjoy and my job isn't exactly project based so I can't say yes or no to that kind of thing.

The thing is opportunities rarely present themselves to you to just say yes or no to, you have to go out there and make your own opportunities. If you just sit there waiting for someone to ask you the question it's not going to happen so put yourself out there!! 

On another note bring me sunshine!! I feel like I could easily be a vampire with all this cloudy weather. I went for a brisk walk down on the sea front this afternoon after work and I just want it to be summer right now!!

Monday, 28 April 2014

X is X - Rated

No this post is not about sex - don't get excited or disgusted or whatever that thought makes you feel. This post is about my almost pornographic lust for chocolate.

Today is diet day two. 

I always thought that I would never be the person that saw a picture of myself and decided that I needed to lose weight. I know what I look like and no picture was going to change my perception of myself ... or so I thought. I am not ready to share this picture at the moment but it's stored away on my camera and I hate it and it was enough to get me trying again.

So wish me luck

Sunday, 27 April 2014

Life Lately....


Reading - I am slowly working my way through The Book Thief on my Kindle, slowly not because it is one that I am struggling to read quite the opposite, it's just sad and I'm not in the mood for sad right now

Playing - Obsessed with a game called 2048, Until last week the 2048 tile eluded me but at work the other day (in my lunch hour may I add) I finally got it and I was so happy - no one else understood my joy. I have literally wasted hours on this game and thought my obsession would be over but no I need to beat my own high score!!

Listening to - Recently upgrading to Spotify Premium means I can take my awful music taste with me wherever I go - Avril Lavigne Sk8ter Boi anyone? My favourite song at the moment is Iggy Azalea - Fancy. It reminds me a little bit of Gwen Stefani from The Harajuku Girls album which I absolutely loved and along with the Greenday live album was the soundtrack to my early teenage years (yeah bit of a weird child). I also love the video.

Loving - long weekends. Doesn't really need much explanations but having a four day weekend this month was glorious. The four day weeks at work have also been a plus side and two more of these to go next month.

Loathing - my inability to get motivated at the gym or to even get to the gym. I had one really good week and then last week I haven't moved by bum at all. I did some yoga this morning but not sure if it's for me or not. Must go to gym tomorrow!!

Organising - If you know me even a little bit you will be surprised to see organising on my list but something has clicked in my head and I feel that I need to be organised. This week I have mainly been organising blog stuff - I mean I have drawn a May schedule guys - who am I? But I am actually loving planning things. I have come up with some sort of schedule for my Sunday posts and I am also looking into joining the Weekly Wishes idea over at The Nectar Collective.

"Take your blog seriously and your blog will start taking you seriously"
Toyota, Simple Chronicles of Me

Yes I did just quote myself!! But seriously I have been stuck on 47 followers for about 6 months and once I have started taking it seriously and blogging regularly 3 new followers out of nowhere. If you read my blog I would love for you to comment as to how you found me and what you enjoy and don't enjoy as much about my blog.

Much love



Saturday, 26 April 2014

W is for Weighty Issue

Recently I posted about being accepting whatever weight you may be but that doesn't mean that I expect that people should be 100% happy all the time. I'm not! I have days I wish I was a size 6 supermodel and there are days when I don't give my size a second thought. 

(And before you start screaming hypocrite at me through the internet - Real Women is about being accepting of others and sometimes that's a lot easier than be accepting of what you have.)

However there is one thing that is pretty much a constant and it's something that I know some of my friends don't like me doing. In one form or another it is a common occurrence to call myself "fat". It might be calling myself "the chunkiest ballet dancer in the world" or walking into something because I have "child bearing hips" but I am like one of those comedians who have a thing or a poet who only talks about the fact that they are a black woman (Maya Angelou I'm looking at you) It's not that I'm trying to test people, it's just what I do. I don't sit there, stuff a Belgian bun in my face, complain I'm fat and then expect those around me to tell me that I'm not. But people also don't know what to say. I am joking but they don't want to laugh in case I think they agree.

I think it started as a coping mechanism when I was finding my weight really hard. It was easier to make a joke about it before anyone else did  but the thing is I'm not sure people even would. Joking about someone's size is generally something that people do behind their back not to their face. And then it turned into a way of letting people know that I knew that I wasn't perfect. I act pretty confident most of the time and I don't want people to mistake that confidence as arrogance. It's my way of trying to control other people's perceptions of me. 

My favourite saying at the moment is "call a spade a spade" and that's what I feel I am doing, I am honest, painfully honest with myself but maybe I should stop because if you put yourself down can you really complain when others around you start doing the same? 

This baby/puppy combo is the sweetest thing ever - I just had to share

Friday, 25 April 2014

V is Viserys Targaryen

I have 50 minutes to write this post as I have been getting my Game of Thrones on. I am so far behind everyone else (now finished Season One Episode 8 - NO SPOILERS PLEASE!!) but I absolutely love it. I don't get a lot of time to watch it as I don't have a working DVD player and it's not really appropriate to watch in front of the children. I wanted to stay up all night and watch episode after episode but my days of all nighters without the help of shots are pretty much over and I would really regret it in the morning. I love discussing it with my work colleagues but they are way ahead of me and they have been sworn to secrecy!!

I really want to read the books but I need to watch the series first. I am the worst when it comes to watching something I have read - you won't want to watch Harry Potter with me because I spend the whole movie telling you how the book was better.

Haha look at his resting bitch face - he reminds me a little of a really blond male version of me in this respect. This is meant to be a gif but I have no idea how to insert one. Everything I read tells me I need Photobucket, Photobucket doesn't like me and my internet is being poop so I give up!! I need sleep as I'm getting angsty

Thursday, 24 April 2014

U is for Uh-nnoying

He's been my best friend for about 9 years and this is the only picture that I can find of us two. You can't tell from this picture but I am ridiculously drunk. It's a bad idea to try to keep up with two students when you aren't a drinker. This night ended in me walking home in his shoes and having to stop the taxi twice to throw up - I was a mess and I blame him!

This post is called "Uh-nnoying" basically because that's what he is! And yes I know it's "annoying" but this is how I say it and he likes to take the piss out of my Suffolk accent (I hope it's not as bad as he makes it sound because if it is well that's just embarrassing!) 

He complained at me the other day that I don't mention him on here and it's hard to know whether to mention someone or not. He also doesn't particularly like soppy shit and emotions is where I am at so you know. I drove him to a night out at the weekend and it was like driving a large child that I couldn't tell off for sticking his head out of the window and swearing because he is meant to be a grown up. And now he has gone back to Sheffield and I miss him! So this post is vaguely about my best guy friend and now I know I can mention him well I have another couple of posts planned. He has no idea what he has brought on himself!

Wednesday, 23 April 2014

T is for Tired

It seems that all I do at the moment is complain that I am tired or yawn - or both at the same time. If someone asked me what I most wanted at the moment it would be to wake up without an instant feeling that I would give almost anything to go back to bed or to not be yawning my head off at 3pm everyday without fail or to actually not have massive bags under my eyes rather than hiding the dark circles with a tonne of concealer. I wish I needed less sleep so that I could get more done in my waking hours, there is so much I wish I was doing rather than spending 7 hours asleep. I wouldn't feel guilty for playing on Hay Day instead of doing more uni work, for watching 2 hours of Game of Thrones instead of going to the gym, for doing blog stuff when I really need to do some housework because I would have all the time in the world. But would I be more productive if I didn't need to sleep? Or would I just spend more time doing banal crap?

What I really want is time to catch up on everything that I am behind on - I want to catch up with friends, I want to catch up on recorded TV and on all the blog posts that I have yet to read (over 200 posts to read and counting!) I want to finish my book and start another. At the minute it's the little things but when you realise time is finite I start to worry about the big things,about the fact that I haven't traveled enough, the fact I can't speak a foreign language, that I haven't achieved anything.

I am very much at one of those stages where I feel like I have way too many emotions going on in my head and the fact that I am tired really doesn't help with this. I used to think that I could cope with less sleep but I think it was just that it mattered less that I become a stroppy emotional wreck when I am tired when you are a teenager, it's expected. However not sure it is appreciated as a fledgling adult. I told one of my best friends that I felt like I needed to cry but had nothing to cry about - he looked at me as if I was crazy - it's a girl thing I think or maybe just me - help someone back me up!!

So at some point I will get some more sleep but I have a lot of really important stuff to do tonight like eat Easter Eggs and changing my bed sheets - but I am so bloody tired ***yawn***

Tuesday, 22 April 2014

S is for Selfish

I am a sucker for a selfie, the above picture proves this ... hooray for Instagram filters!!

But the main thing I love about a selfie is the fact that it's all about me. I love being selfish, I love caring just about me and now you probably hate me. Obviously it isn't what I do and it isn't all I do. I love caring for others, I love giving, I love making other people happy but I also like to make myself happy (that sentence sounds like one long sexual innuendo or is it just me that's childish?!!?). I think there it is frowned upon to think about your own needs and desires first but if you can't look after yourself then can you really expect others to put your needs first?

So here's to being selfish!! (and this post is so short because I'm being selfish and getting some sleep - although more sleep is in the interest of everyone as I'm moody)

Monday, 21 April 2014

R is for Real Women

You know that well known quote - "Real women have curves"

I hate this quote. It makes me so angry. Real women are whatever the hell they want to be. Why is it that "real women" have to be classified by their image whereas the campaign about being a "real man" are about them standing up against domestic violence? Real women should be loving, caring, confident; not weigh a certain amount or wear a certain size. Real women should be against the oppression of women.

I recently saw an image on the internet of Gemma someone or rather from TOWIE (no disrespect to her - I just don't watch it) brandishing a sign that basically said "If you are skinny you can't come in". Yeah she's a bigger girl in case you can't tell by the above statement. I'm a bigger girl but I don't feel the need to have a go at people who are smaller then me. What is it with this most recent craze of "skinny bashing"? Larger women have until recently been shunned by the media and fashion but why does this mean we have to go the other way? As long as a woman is healthy then their size should be of no importance to anyone else. Why is it that some women have to try and make others feel worse to make themselves feel better? 

Why is it that women in the media who are big have to be so brash and aggressive about it? They wear tiny teeny bikinis running on the beach declaring that they don't care what anyone else thinks, they tell every magazine that listens that they eat really healthy and go the gym, they are loud and proud and so they should be. However that all crumples when they sell their diet story, make an exercise DVD and cry on daytime TV about how sad it made them. 

Saturday, 19 April 2014

Q is for Quick

Today I am being quick, I am being brief because I have real life plans and you know what real life always trumps blogging world for me. 

I am proud of the fact that I haven't missed a day yet even though April has been busy. It feels like April has been my month to take back charge. I have gone back to the gym, I have seen friends (although not as much as I would like - stop being so far away!), I have got on with uni work and enjoyed actual work. Busy is good. I have made plans to do things - even though I am a bad planner. I am loving blogging again, forgetting how much I have missed it. I don't think I will be blogging everyday throughout May. I know a lot of bloggers say that it is Quality over Quantity - however at the moment as a relatively new blogger I think it's nice for someone to have a lot of content to look over

Another thing I am loving is my NUS student card. There are so many good discounts on there - one of the best £12 I have ever spent. I got 25% off at Giraffe's on Thursday night with my sister and got a delicious three course meal for £45 including a tip. You can also get Spotify Premium for half price and that's great for gym music. Music is so expensive if you are like me and get easily bored listening to the same songs and music to me is really dependent upon my mood.

I also got 80 out of 100 on my most recent uni assessment and I am really pleased with myself. I was really worried that I was going to struggle but so far everything has been good and I have found self motivation much easier than I thought. Self motivation is something I am bad at, I need to be held accountable by someone other than myself.

Anyways I must get dressed (yes I know it's midday) as I am seeing one of my besties today.

Friday, 18 April 2014

P is for Pictures

Today I have spent the day with the family so today is a bit of a cop out. I am posting pictures of my favourite things from Pinterest which interestingly is one of my favourite things:

And if you like the look of these there is much more over here...

Thursday, 17 April 2014

O is for Opportunities

There are so many opportunities available to me and I worry that I'm not taking advantage of what's available to me. I'm worried that I will spend my whole life working and not achieving anything so here's some of the opportunities I don't want to miss:

- I want to go on a Contiki tour or something similar - there are some amazing tours around Europe/America and Asia. They are relatively expensive but so many of the reviews say it is the best thing they have ever done so hopefully soon

- I want to get my degree. I am currently working on my Access course and probably have another 6 years to go but I am really enjoying it.

- I want to go see a West End show. I'm not really fussed which one but would love to either see Chicago, the Lion King or Wicked.

- I want to go to Harry Potter World & Disneyland, I'm a child and a nerd all rolled up in one!

- I want to go rollerblading and skiing. I want to go on the waltzers until I feel sick. I want to laugh and have fun and be that person that's always doing

Wednesday, 16 April 2014

N is for Names

Can't believe we are over half way through this month and half way through this challenge and even more unbelievable is that I haven't missed a post!! 

I have probably spoken about this before on here but if you are new around here then here it is again, my name is Toyota. Yes as in the car Toyota (which has kind of become my catchphrase)

As a child it meant nothing to me. My friend who moved here from Scotland went home and asked her mum if she could be called Zebra. A supply teacher of mine and my siblings once wrote into a newspaper saying that they thought it was cruel to name children unusual names and went on to name us. You know what is cruel, telling a nine year old that their name is weird when you are a fully grown adult. As you can imagine my mother was livid.

The older I have got the greater number of people I have met that seem to have a need to comment on my name. It's not children that can't accept difference it's adults. I have had people on the phone at work tell me to stop lying about my name, I have heard every remark about cars that exists and you know what, it's not really that funny or witty.

Tuesday, 15 April 2014

M is for the Mr's

In my more melancholic days I regard every past relationship as a mistake. I look at everything that they could have been and see them as a failure. But as the saying goes you should learn from your mistakes so here is what I have learned from some of the Mr's

MR EX - He taught me that love doesn't mean forever and the power of reflection. He taught me that I'm not perfect and to never give up on yourself or your friends. He taught me that I didn't need him. He taught me that I can be bitter sometimes and bitter isn't pretty.

MR COMPLICATED - He brought me the courage to start this blog. He taught me that stupidity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. He taught me that just because someone makes you feel sexy it doesn't necessarily mean that you want them to. He taught me that I cannot separate my emotions and that respect matters.

MR NOBODY - He taught me that even a nobody can mean a lot even though I tried to convince myself that he didn't. He taught me that spontaneity is not always a good thing and that there is safety in everyday habits but to be spontaneous sometimes feels really good. He taught me that if you don't feel confident to introduce him to your friends then he probably isn't for you.

What have you learnt from your past relationships?

Monday, 14 April 2014

L is for Liar, Liar

Let me set the scene. It's circa 2007 and I'm in high school. I think I am incredibly fat although I would cut off my right leg to me that skinny right now (and I'd still probably weigh more). I used to think I was quiet and shy but thinking back I was definitely not, I was gobby, loud and more than a little attention seeking. Basically I was a teenage girl.

Parents do not read this ... well if you are a parent you can read it but my parents definitely stay away. My dad won't be reading this and my mum will pretend she hasn't but she will. Hey mum.

I had a bit of a reputation which if I'm honest was mostly unearned and was more from the escalation of half truths and stories but yeah that reputation still existed. I had very few boyfriends at high school yet I was still known as a slut. To start with I protested and stomped my little feet but in high school stories are much better than the truth so I started my own story.

One break time someone plucked up the courage - OK it wasn't courage it was the fact that they were a cocky teenage boy - to ask me how many people I had slept with so I thought of the biggest number possible and sarcastically stated "11". Either my sarcasm really needed to be worked on or people will believe anything but that was the new story. They just nodded and reacted as if this the most normal thing they could have expected. Everyone believed it, even my good friends didn't really question it and it became one of those facts about me. You know like in Mean Girls - it was a "she made out with a hot dog moment" Considering I was fourteen maybe, 11 is the most ridiculous number ever. Where would I have met these people? I mean 11, I still haven't slept with 11 people and I'm 22. I may never sleep with 11 different people in my whole life, I know that many people will not. But this is still one of the "facts" that people will probably remember me for from high school.

I finally told one of my best friends the truth last year and we laughed a lot. Of course it was ridiculous but high school was ridiculous. 

My name is Toyota and I hadn't slept with 11 people by the age of fourteen

Sorry for lying high school buddies - but hey you believed me!!

Sunday, 13 April 2014

Book Review - Birthdays for the Dead - Stuart MacBride

"Detective Constable Ash Henderson has a dark secret…
Five years ago his daughter, Rebecca, went missing on the eve of her thirteenth birthday. A year later the first card arrived: homemade, with a Polaroid picture stuck to the front – Rebecca, strapped to a chair, gagged and terrified. Every year another card: each one worse than the last.
The tabloids call him ‘The Birthday Boy’. He’s been snatching girls for twelve years, always in the run-up to their thirteenth birthday, sending the families his homemade cards showing their daughters being slowly tortured to death.
But Ash hasn’t told anyone about Rebecca’s birthday cards – they all think she’s just run away from home – because if anyone finds out, he’ll be taken off the investigation. And he’s sacrificed too much to give up before his daughter’s killer gets what he deserves…"

If you don't like murder/crime books then this book probably sounds absolutely awful! But it's my type of book, it's my chic flick or rom com or whatever that type of book is called rather than the film format. I can just read a murder book, you don't have to think too much, it doesn't take too long to read and most of them are pretty good.

This book idea is pretty gruesome, books involving children generally are the more difficult ones to read, but it doesn't really go into the deaths that much and is more based on the investigation and the affect this has on Ash. I didn't really like Ash all the time but I think that's the point. He is a bit of a bent cop and has a really strong Scottish accent which at the beginning as a Southerner I found very hard to understand and nearly made me give up on the book. Even though I didn't like Ash all the time, he was a real person with flaws but also a strong need to protect those around him.

MacBride builds suspense really well throughout the book and til the very end I had no idea who the killer was going to be. However I do think that the conclusion was all a bit too quick and didn't really explain as to why everything had happened. It felt a little like he had run out of time at the end and just finished it compared to the long time he had spent building up characters and their relationships. Considering Ash spent five years trying to find the killer and goes to pretty extreme lengths in the pursuit of the truth when he finds out the identity of the killer he's a bit meh.

All in all a good book but not necessarily my favourite

Saturday, 12 April 2014

K is for Kiss & Tell

This post describes exactly how I feel at the moment. Where was this yesterday when I wrote about juggling? 

Today I kissed the cutest boy... on the cheek only but that was good enough

He has curly hair and the most infectious laugh.

He makes me happy and I wish I saw him more.

He has an insatiable thirst for knowledge and an obsession with gaming.

He makes my heart melt.

Look at this little face....

Friday, 11 April 2014

J is for Juggling

I'm not very good at juggling... physically and metaphorically.

That's why I am typing this post half asleep late while half watching CSI and reading my emails. Sometimes I wish I could give something my whole attention rather than a bit of it, maybe it would mean that I would get more out of what I do. I worry that I am doing too much at a mediocre level.

I want to have a good career so working hard and doing that bit extra sometimes is what I expect of myself but I also want to have a social life. I want to lead full, fulfilling and busy days but I also want to sleep. I want to be seen as a nice person but I don't want to be walked all over. I want to eat lots of nice food but I don't want to be the size of a house. I want to be skinny but I don't want to obsessed with food or spend hours in the gym.

Maybe I'd be better at juggling if I didn't want so much but you only have one life so you might as well strive for the best, hey?

At least it's Friday and this seal is very very cute!!

Thursday, 10 April 2014

I is for Imaginary Conversations

Off topic I have a new mattress, I'm not sure I like it, it's too squishy!

I think one of the reasons I like blogging is because it lets me voice my inner monologue. I don't have a special someone that I can vent to and even if I don't give away too much of the details just thinking through stressful or emotional situations can really help me sort out how I feel. Another thing that I find helps is having an imaginary conversation.

Let me explain. Lets say for example something has gone wrong at work and your boss has blamed you even though you don't think it's your fault. I'm not very good at stepping back and not letting this get to me but I know that you can't call your boss an idiot and expect to have a job in the morning. So what I will do is say all the things I want to say in a conversation in my head, generally in the car on the way home. You can get all those emotions out without anyone ever hearing you. It also helps when you know a certain conversation is going to happen. You are going for a meeting with a really difficult client who will hop on any mistake and hesitation you make and make you want to cry or smack him in his smug little face or a mixture of both. However if I have already had the conversation in my head then I always feel more prepared. 

Imaginary conversations are not limited to the good. Sometimes I have conversations where I run over what I should have said instead of what I did say. Obviously you can't plan every conversation and interaction in life and when I have reacted badly or stupidly I punish myself with imaginary conversations. I'm not perfect.

I'm pretty sure talking to myself in my head doesn't make me crazy although you might think different!! Today I was told I was probably mildly dyslexic as I often write number sequences the wrong way round, I'm not sure I believe them.

Tuesday, 8 April 2014

G is for Grumpy

I didn't want to write today's post, I wanted to go to bed and end this crappy day. Today if I had to be one of the seven dwarfs I would be Grumpy (although Sneezy would be the next possibility). My laptop is striving to make this post even more difficult as my internet keeps breaking up on me and I am nearly ready to throw the whole thing across the room.

I'm tired, really bloody tired. I have overslept the past three work days in a row - on Friday I was half an hour late. How is that even possible? I physically cannot get out of the wrong side of the bed, unless I suddenly develop the ability to walk through walls, but today has definitely been that day. I actually hate that phrase and if I'm grumpy then it's likely to make me more grumpy. I am rubbish at hiding grumpiness.

I have tried all my usual! I text friends, I got a hot chocolate at lunch and spent some time away from work by myself, I ate nice food, I played banal Iphone games and I'm still grumpy. I failed at not texting Mr Complicated, I failed in my attempt to eat more healthy and get back to the gym, I failed at trying not to be the person I wish I wasn't.

I'm hoping sleep will bring me back!

Monday, 7 April 2014

F is for Felix

This little bugger is Felix, my pet hell cat. He woke me up this morning at 4am fighting some small animal, I have often found dead or semi dead animals in my room as "presents" from him but look at those eyes, what can you do?

Animals aren't usually my thing so you are probably thinking, why do you have a pet? I love him, not in the crazy way that some people love their pets but he isn't really very affectionate to me either! But if we are being honest, well he wasn't really my choice.

He was my ex boyfriend's but when we broke up I couldn't let him take him. It wasn't out of spite, as much as sometimes I tell this as the story, it was because he had always lived here in the countryside, how could he cope in the town? How would he kill rabbits and be the boss of two dogs? But I guess also I couldn't let him take anymore away from me (the ex boyfriend that is, not Felix)

Sunday, 6 April 2014

Beauty Review - Rimmel Lasting Finish Fancy a Dip?

I have never been a nail person and you'll be lucky if you can see my nails go past the end of my fingers. I also spend three hours a week with my hands in hot soapy water so don't think I am going to called up to be a hand model!! Recently though I am really into nail polishes, especially pastel shades (mainly brought on by jealousy of a girl at work - she has lemon yellow nails and a lemon yellow satchel - I could not be this co-ordinated with a month of planning).

I picked up this beautiful shade from Tesco for a bargain of £2.99 and decided after work today to paint my nails. I am really pleased with the the colour, it reminds me of cornflowers and Spring and actually makes my skin look relatively tanned. However I really didn't like the application - some nails seemed to paint really well and cover in a couple of coats, whereas others have gone a bit blotchy and I have had to take off and start again on one nail in particular. Like I said I am no expert but haven't had any other problems with other times. However so in love with the colour I'm going to persevere. 

I would also like to say a massive congratulations to my best friend on completing the Lincoln 10k today in just over an hour for such an excellent cause. You go girl!! You can still donate here

Saturday, 5 April 2014

E is for Eccentricities

Eccentricities! One of my favourite words that I don't think is used enough and to be honest one of my favorite things to discuss. Eccentricities used to be the choice of rich Victorians, like "Don't mind Uncle Tom, he's a bit eccentric, he just likes to eat children." But now I personally associate the word with the little quirks and traits that make you who you are. I like to let the crazy out but defining it as crazy.... well it makes you sound a little crazy. I was speaking to a girl on Twitter who said she was scared to post personal things on her blog because people she knows read her blog but seriously what is a blog if not personal?!?

I'm going to let you into some of my eccentricities (not all of them obviously, we would be here for like 4 months and well I might get admitted to a psychiatric hospital) in a hope that you too might feel a bit more comfortable letting the crazy out.

- I have to eat a sandwich in a certain way and seeing someone else eating a sandwich the wrong way makes me very angsty. If someone makes me a sandwich incorrectly I find it very difficult to eat

- I do not like to drink the bottom of a drink - yes it is all exactly the same but in my head it is not!

- I often have feelings of impending doom, especially just before I am trying to sleep. I then can spend hours rehashing every mistake I have made in my life. To stop this I have to pretend I am someone else.

- I am scared of a lot of things - blueberries, earthworms, horses, zombie apocalypses

- I take stupid pictures of myself and post them on the internet

Friday, 4 April 2014

D is for Dating

I am pretty sure dating is a myth made up by the movies. I have never been on a real date, have no idea how to get myself a date and would have no idea how to act on a date. This sounds pretty tragic even to me!! 

I thought that at my age I would be going out, meeting people, deciding whether or not these were the people for me - instead I spend most of my life working and the rest of it chilling at home. I would love to meet new people but I have no idea how. I think its even harder when you live in a rural area, I can't just pop out to the pub or to an event. Going out takes major planning. It also doesn't help that new people scare me a little bit, I know they say they don't bite but what if they do and what if they have rabies?!? They might not like my craziness or the fact that I am perpetually late for everything!! They might think I'm fat or ugly or stupid or I might develop an unexplained instant hatred of them (which does happen when I meet some people)

I tried online dating but only got as far as chatting to people online before it absolutely terrified me. Speaking to these strangers was too much, I could not meet any of them!! But to be honest I feel like I am ready to find someone to be in a relationship with, well at least ready to do some test driving. The thing is I'm scared of people needing me, of people relying on me and also scared of needing someone else (and yeah this post is getting much more deep than intended!!)

I want this. I want someone to feel this way about me!!

Thursday, 3 April 2014

C is for Cheery

This blog post has been called many things today but then I saw this link up from two of my favourite bloggers and knew that I had to join in!!

Venus Trapped in Mars

So this is 32 things that make me cheery

1. Jason Statham

2. Spaghetti Carbonara

3. Planning surprises 

4. Seeing my besties (even though I don't see them often enough - being a grown up suck sometimes)

5. Photography

6. Spending time with this little cutie

7. David Attenborough

8. Being good at something - whether it's work, uni stuff or just making a good cup of tea I like to achieve

9. Flowers - mainly sunflowers or tulips

10. Waving

11. Disney movies - my favourite being Dumbo

12. Fruit cider

13. A good book

14. Dreaming that doesn't involve murder 

15. Beating my high score on 2048

16. The word "sparkle" - I have sparkle tourettes

17. Mean girls - the movie not mean people - that would be silly

18. Dancing in a club and totally not caring who sees you slut drop

19. The fact that I just said totally in that previous reason

20. Learning new things - optional week on my course is Italian - I am so bad it's almost funny

21. Elephants

22. Pinterest

23. Hot chocolate with cream, marshmallows and a flake

24. Blogging

25. Birthdays

26. Printed leggings - stretch and pretty - what more could you want?!?!

27. Pastel nail polish- especially when matched with a pastel satchel

28. Pugs

29. When life bites that certain someone in the arse and you are just like "yeah suck it!"

30. Happy Nothing Days

31. Hearing someone say something nice about you

32. Writing lists of things that make me cheery

Thanks Erin and Sarah from saving me from blogger's block!!

Wednesday, 2 April 2014

B is for Blogging

This little mess is my desk and this mess is represents all my blogging and University work all piled into one crazy bundle which is basically my life at the moment. I started blogging just over a year ago but have given up twice and now when my life is at its busiest I decided to start again.

Blogging is a crazy world. It feels almost unreal. It's hard to explain to people and that look you get when people just don't get it is one I have seen a few times. The thing is I love people reading my blog but I also find it really hard to talk about in real life. My blog isn't about anything - I don't do beauty or crafts or anything particularly useful - so I think it's more difficult to explain to people. Reading blogs is a weird one too - trying to explain how you read this thing on someone's blog about a product or a place or just a funny story is infinitely more problematic than if you had heard the story in real life not blog world.

It's hard not to get addicted to the numbers - to the number of followers or page views. It's hard not to get jealous of the people who's blogs seem to bloom in an instant whereas you slowly plod away at yours. Its hard not to get desperate for followers - to start to pretend you are something you are not - when the only reason you started your blog is to be yourself and to have fun.

Sometimes it's hard to know what to say. Sometimes you are worried you have revealed too much and sometimes worried you haven't revealed enough, that any lifeless droid could have written that post. I worry more about my grammar and spelling on my blog than I do in professional emails. I am writing blog posts at 10.30pm at night, I plan blog posts in my lunch hour, I think of ideas when driving, I see blog pictures wherever I go - it consumes my life and I love it.

Tuesday, 1 April 2014

A is for Amy

Amy - my beautiful nanny who unfortunately was taken from us thirteen years ago this month. For anyone to be taken is too soon but she was young and so were we.

To her loving grandchildren she was known as Nanny Spoil Me. 

She was always the lady in red to me, always immaculate. She had a strawberry mark on her leg that you could always faintly see under her nude tights. Nude tights will always remind me of her. As will drawing dogs using your thumb (you bend your thumb, drawn around it and the knuckle becomes the ear) - this is literally the only thing she could draw. Her stick people were always wonky and every animal looked the same whether it was a cow, pig or cat. There is so much more I wish I could remember. I hate how memories fade. 

Pear drops make me think of her. I can't smell one without a bitter sweet smile.

I have one of her hats on top of my wardrobe. I sometimes put it on and laugh - I am not a hat person.

I'm not really sure what I believe in but because of her I hope that she has the ability to look down on all that has passed without her and be proud of what has been achieved.