World's Worst Dieter

Day One of the diet

From the pictures you can probably tell that day one wasn't that much of a skinny day but it's nearly my sister's birthday and she wanted to go out for lunch. I ate a delicious sandwich called the "Double Pig" and yes I did really feel like a pig once I ate it! It had pulled pork and bacon and BBQ sauce and homemade coleslaw, what more could you want in life?!? Oh I can tell you, a massive slice of carrot cake

So I thought I would tell you the 5 reasons I am an awful dieter...

1) I actually love food

Who cannot love food? I mean look at the pictures above, who could turn their nose up at the crazy amount of carbs on offer?

2) I used to think I was fat when I wasn't

I have pictures of myself from when I was younger when I thought I was enormous that I look back at now and realise I was never fat. Yeah I was bigger than my friends but everyone has different body shapes, you just don't realise that when you are 15. So when I put on weight I thought it didn't matter because I was already fat, what was a few more pounds? And now I look back and think I would give my left leg to weigh that much again (and I probably would have to!!)

3) I need pudding

If I go out for a meal, I need pudding!! I went out last night for dinner and even though I was super full from the Cajun chicken burger with mint & cucumber and chips, we ordered lemon posset and pear tart to share and it was great.

4) I lose weight, convince myself that I am happy, that I don't care and then put it back on

I am my own worst enemy, I lose weight and then put it back on once I have convinced myself that I am happy with my body. But I'm not happy and I have that self bravado and a lot of laughs at my own expense to convince myself and every one around me that I am happy

5) I am a lazy bum

I much rather sit here and read your blogs about food and makeup and your fantastic lives than get up off my massive arse and do some exercise! See I knew I could blame someone else.

But hopefully this time I will stick to this!!

Cider and a Laugh

So I have a bit of a grump in at the moment (my post from yesterday might have indicated this to you!) and even thought I don't want to be that person that always whines and moans on their blog, unfortunately this is what it had become. The past few weeks have been an emotional roller coaster and I have felt very unable (and possibly in some ways very unwilling) to deal with them. My mum had a scare, luckily everything was fine, and while this was going on I was horrible to be around. I was angry and scared and wanted it to be someone else's fault rather than just fate or nature or whatever you believe in and I really hoped that the all clear would clear up my emotions but it hasn't!!

So tonight when my best guy friend invited me out for a drink with one of my best friends, it was much needed and I laughed. Like a lot. We spoke about high school and those embarrassing stories, bitched about people we hadn't seen in years, made fun of each other, told stories that didn't even make sense and I feel good. No, it hasn't sorted out all my problems (I will share more at another point) but I feel ready to tackle them head on. There is nothing more humbling than the time you got super emotional at 16 and had a major meltdown in the middle of class only to be told "it's Biggin, not Biggins" and being reminded of this everytime you speak to someone makes me cringe. Or being reminded of the time I got so drunk I had to get the taxi to stop twice so I could vom and then having said best guy friend lend me his shoes so I can actually walk to his house and let me sleep in his spare bed. I have NEVER felt so ill in all my life (as this picture sums up!!)

When???

When are you meant to water tomato plants? I am not green fingered at all but I really want to grow my own vegetables, I have planted them out into the soil but I am very worried that I am going to murder them. My track record isn't very good with plants to be honest, I killed both my basil, mint and parsley plants within a week of each other. I think its because I forget to water things, I need a cactus!!

When is not ok to still have feelings for your ex? We broke up 2 years ago and we have nearly been apart for as long as we were together. I'm not sure it's feelings for him as such but just feelings of loneliness and missing having a special someone in my life. Mr Nobody is a no go anymore, I just can't do it to myself and I think this is what has brought on the feelings of needed someone. I also saw my ex at the beach yesterday with his new girlfriend which will always be awkward.

When will I stop caring what other people think? Is it something that happens as you get older or is it just programmed into your personality? Either you do care or you don't and I am definitely someone that cares. It just feels so high school if you know what I mean!!

When will I get more followers? Do you guys not like me? *insert sad face here* Told you I care too much!!